i tried to write something, but i couldn't.

uhh... i would write something and look at it and disagree with it immediately after...

i definitely blame this Humanities class i'm taking... now i see ambiguity in EVERYTHING.

i see two sides to everything, and i feel like i can't pick a side when it comes to certain shit unless i've thoroughly thought about each argument.

it's like i'm developing a new way of thinking

it's like my mind is teething.

but i'm not necessarily mad about it. cuz i'm still me, i just have more thoughts. but naturally, deep thinking sparks emotions/feelings.

this week hasn't been the greatest.

but i'm cool.

JAY-Z WON'T PEER PRESSURE ME!

hahaha extra ass subject line....

anyways... i feel like his song 'Off That' just proves his point... he'll say some shit n all his smart ass fans/followers are gonna back him up... but simultaneously portray the people he's really talkin shit about in his songs...

...if you were still 'on' that before you heard Off That then you fall into that category.

iffff for some reason you don't fuck with every single thing he's 'off' without having tried that shit... (ie Crystal....)-- or maybe your favorite song happened to be a T-Pain song.... well shit now you can't tell your friends, and you gotta get a new car cd.... hahah mmm you fall into that category as well....

he's like shit, if yall are gonna follow me at least keep up-- we off that.....

allll this to say... i really like this song... it's sooo lame in relation to other music that's out right now... (it's auto-tune... and Jay-Z said we off that...) but fuck that... lol it makes me laugh... it's tight

she so fine

can you tell me why
why she's so fine
i want her to be my number one girrrl
i can see it in her eyes
(and im not too surprised--)
she wants me to spend more money on herrr

damn she makes me say:

"mmhm, mmhm"
(man she's so fine;)
all i wanna do is love her...
"mmhm, mhmm"
(man she's so fine--)
she got me to my last dollar

My Favorite Dude...

i love the fact that when we disagree, he listens to me, and i listen to him... and we talk until we both understand each others' point of view.

nothing's forced...

and it's not that we're able to continue being so close because we forget about our disagreements... but it's because we move forward... and are able to focus on making shit better...

and it seems like it gets better every time we talk.

even after 4 years.

So This May Seem Oxymoronic....

i dislike the whole education system, but i LOVE learning.... and i love obtaining new information....

the whole school system is soooo crazy to me.
in the US, we're FORCED to go to school...
we all learn the same shit state-wide... (California Learning Standards)... we learn a lot of shit... math, science, english, SELECT PORTIONS of history, and a little bit of art....

it's not really until we reach college that we're motivated as students to THINK for ourselves... n not only think about ourselves, but think about ourselves in relation to other people...

the longer i'm a student, the deeper my dislike for the whole education system grows...

why do i have to pay $20,000 to learn about how fucked up things really are for us... us.... being black people (not only students) in the US.....

schools started off as a corporation a looooong ass time ago... a business... where professionals would sell their knowledge to students in the fields of medicine, law, and priesthood.... with hopes of becoming, obviously, doctors, lawyers, and clergymen.

clearly, the subjects have expanded, but the principle is the same... i'm paying someone to share their knowledge with me.

why am i forced to go to school from 8-3 as a child, yet my high school diploma doesnt mean shit...?

why do i have to have a degree to get a DECENT job...

why the fuck is school so EXPENSIVE?

why is the value of a Bachelor's Degree decreasing as more and more minorities are finding various means of entering and staying on college campuses as students....?

ur tellin me i gotta get a ph.D or Masters (aka spend another 4-5 years, and another $80,000-90,000) just to reach point A in my career???

shit, a Bachelor's degree was cooool when it was only white people who had em. why when my brothers n sisters get one, it's suddenly lost its value...?

what's crazy is... it's not hard to learn why shit is the way it is.... the information is out there, and to me, that's what's fucked up about it.... because the people who have the power aren't doing shit about it...

in order to keep this shit from getting too lengthy... here goes a little BROAD, general list of reasons that may help guide ppls' minds in the right direction.

-mmmm when slavery ended.... white people still hated us. surprise surprise.
-world war II came and the US realized we didn't have enough soldiers... who'd they call on? Black citizens.... us.... probably your great, great uncle Ron and his homie Tyree...
-when the war ended.... Suburbs were built and set aside to compensate soldiers for their brave, honorable fighting... they had flyyyy ass houses built... pretty much like i already said, suburbs.
-guess which soldiers weren't invited to live in the suburbs...?
-black soldiers... surprise surprise. even tho they fought side by side... right next to their white 'peers' in the war...
-mmm eventually, one by one by one... black families were allowed to live in the suburbs...
-white people left. waaaaay faster than one by one... their fast ass moving rate actually has a name is history books... haha it's called 'White Flight'...
-welllll, when they left, they took their resources with them. (schools are funded by cumulative property taxes in the neighborhood they're in.)
-when whites left the suburbs, the property values of the neighborhoods went down too... meaning all who were left were Blacks who at the time couldn't get high-paying jobs based SOLELY on their race... and on top of that, their schools were left with shitty ass resources and no money, meaning subpar teachers, and subpar learning rates....

i can think of SEVERAL fucked up schools today that have primarily black and hispanic students and low CA test scores..... i'm sure everyone can.

-moving on...
-these students stay in these subpar learning and living conditions and realize they (and their parents) don't have the knowledge, resources, or money to make it to college....

UHMMM... who's fault is that??
hahah as typical and predictable as this may sound....
sounds to me like it's the white man's.

anyways... i figured i'd vent about this shit real quick... i know i didn't do a thorough job at allll explaining some of this shit, but i got some reading to do... and going in depth about this shit woulda taken several days.... i just hope this shit meant something to someone.... n if it wasn't clear... i'd loooove to talk to anyone about this and other similar topics... i love to learn and i'm willing to share my knowledge.... u gotta pay me $20,000 tho. (jus joshin)

ionnnnnooooo

somethin about wasting time on bullshit doesn't seem to entice me

unless it's procrastinating bullshit... lol that's my exception

She's Already In Love....

should i tell these other guys that they're wasting their time with me?

: /

i feel like that's the polite thing to do... but i know i won't do that...

sometimes i want to tho...

like noooo please don't invest your emotions in me, you're just gonna end up stuck..............

'why does it seem like every time i open my heart,
she's already in love
wishin one day i'll be that lucky man....
bein with you is all i'm thinkin of
now im not sayin u should leave your man...
tell me to go, and girl i'll understand
lemme know, am i wasting my time?
cuz if so then i'll leave...
i'll leave.......'
-Passion