Wow

i just had a lot of shit on my mind one day, and reminding myself who i am helps me solve my problems most of the time.

i don't talk openly about my personal life... not because my life is so awesome that it deserves to be kept TOP SECRET... but because my life is mine. i can do what i choose with it. i can share it with you; i can choose not to. When a person feels some kinda way about me NOT sharing, I know i've made the right decision..

i don't ask people very personal questions because I believe everyone will reveal information about themselves in their own way and on their own time. "time spent with this person" and "information i know about this person" should go hand-in-hand in personal relationships...... in a perfect world.

when i share too much information about myself, i feel like i've simplified myself to the point of "nothing-specialness". Not because my life is simple and dull; but because there are so many things that can only be felt, not spoken. my true story will never be told, so i dislike those who attempt to make me tell it.

why do you care to know details about my life? what purpose does it serve? how can i help to narrow your inquiry? what is it that you really want to know? .........questions that my brain scans every curious stranger with

i value the relationships that i maintain with people because i know that these are the people who see me as me, and like me for it.

i usually don't dislike a person until i dislike them by like 95%.... by the time that realization comes, it's a little too late for any recovery.

i thrive to be thorough

i want to be the woman whose actions reflect her beliefs

no purposeless actions, no wasted words, no fillers, no lies, no need to worry about misleading those who choose to spend their time with me.

being honest doesn't mean being rude. so i'm not rude. says me....

if looking at you doesn't make me happy, i won't smile at you.

i often wonder what type of joy liars receive as a result of their dishonesty. their happiness is rooted in the air... the positive effects of lying don't last too long.

i don't manipulate people because i don't enjoy the feelings that come with the action...

it saddens me to know that people have the potential to be so easily fooled. I wouldn't want to evoke sadness within myself, so i don't manipulate people.

i dream about a world that is more honest way more than i dream about murderously torturing the liars, fakers and manipulators... but i still think about it.

people like me because they can see that i do not act based on the influence of others. i am the one who makes my final decisions. i am my own consultant. i am my own secretary... but my parents are my bankers. for now.

i'm probably the last person in the world who would be able to switch things "back to the way they used to be." new situation; act accordingly.

i entered 2011 with the resolution that i would stop allowing others' actions to cause me to act out of character. but it's hard because i seemed to have lost the tight grip that i had on my true self. so i didn't know how to fulfill my resolution but i tried... am still trying.

people like me because i don't force them to like me at all

i'm far from a people-pleaser... i worry about my own pleasure and my own fulfillment.

i enjoy knowing what people think about me. positive, negative, neutral... i live in my own mind so i hardly know how others perceive my actions.

i don't believe in fakeness of any kind, so i'm working on making my behaviors reflect my mindset.


thanks

I'm So Corny...

lol i just sat here and looked at my blog and i think i wanna change the whole layout

like the whole way i blog...

but i always get too lazy.

then i do the same ol blogging...

but it's startin to get corny to me.

Yay For 3 Day Weekends... 'Yaaay!'

i had a verrrry good weekend at home in LA with my favorite nigga.
it seems like we did everything without really doing anything.

i swear we laid up in my bed the whole weekend... well at least inbetween meals... for 2 broke niggas, we definitely lived it up in that house....

lol random ass weekend menu consisted of him making fettuccine shrimp alfredo... the next morning i made cheesy eggs and cheese fries... hahah random as hell... but uhmm, grocery money was non-existent. shrimp chow mien and stir fry for lunch (again, that was alll me)... and some dollar menu items for dinner that night... lol smh at us... but that explains that tweet i sent out...

(thanks, @jdaflip... we definitely went to McDonald's...)

lol the next day (today...) we collaborated and made a bomb ass lunch cuz our lazy asses woke up so late.... no time for breakfast.... chicken strips, fried shrimp and rice. it was sooo good. and i believe he knew my shrimp won...

shit was goin real cool til my GRANDPARENTS walked into the house while we were in the kitchen and all i was wearing was a hoodie and UNDIES..... : /

smh... lmao man oh man.... that shit was so unexpected... but shit definitely coulda been worse. what if we were both ass naked standin in the kitchen frying up some chicken and shrimp.... smh... i don't even wanna think about it...

hahah.... i had a cool ass weekend with this dude tho; i really love him :)

....even tho we had to fight a few times.... that nigga.

on a more blog-ish note...

i know a lot of people admire what we have...

this weekend was the first time i thought about the possibility of growing used to having someone loving you unconditionally. by growing used to i mean, the same way you can get used to your brand new puppy greeting you everyday as you get home... corny ass analogy... but it's simple enough...

so this puppy:

it's cute as fuck...
and when you first get the little thing it's always on your mind...
but then at some point that shit becomes routine...
like alright... when i open this door, my dog's gonna come out, imma greet her, and imma keep walkin into the house... i'm not gonna post up and play with her, she's a cool ass dog, she knows i love her and shit....
and then naturally there are gonna be those days when you don't even feel like having dog-breath hands... so u don't fuck with it.

i guess dogs can notice just like people do, when love's luster becomes a little duller. and speaking as an ex-dog owner....[ RIP HONEY :( ] it doesn't mean the care isn't there... but shit, something's missing... and most people, like dogs, just get used to that shit... and adjust knowing things aren't the same... because what can be done unless there's effort shown from both parties...?

i don't know...

i feel selfish even thinking of this. it's just something that crossed my mind.

what i'm asking is... is love comparable to a new puppy? can two people grow so used to being in love that the spark seems more like a routine lighter fluid check...?

i know everyone's love is different... but obviously love has its common denominators among all people and all relationships...

personally, i'm glad i still feel the way i do about this dude. so though i blogged about it, this isn't an issue for me... sorry if this was anticlimactic for any nay-sayer-readers of mine.. maybe next time...

anyways... this song pretty much sums up how i feel about this dude who's clearly my favorite

"nothing's wrong... you're a beautiful problem" ♥