so yeah i'm goin home this weekend...
i had to escaaaaape.
rollin with Julieanne and my other homie Chevy (who i just found out lives down the hill from me.)
wtf do i wanna do this weekend? shit, too much. i keep forgetting its Halloween Weekend... im kinda sad i dont have a costume this year... :( i remember i was soooo juiced this time last year to be hittin up that Sigma party... haha at least i saw my elementary school LOVE there... so, despite the overall wackness of the party.... it was cool lol
but this year... mm ionno... i kinda wanna get hella faded n spoon under some blankets watchin scary movies in my treehouse...
ionno if that shit will happen under these circumstances that i'm rollin to LA in.... but if it does, that'd be nice.
my mom's gonna be outta town. my sister's gonna be having a mini get-together, imma be playing host to my homie(s).... let's see how this shit goes :)
OH YEAH.... haha i got a $1,000 check waitin on me when i get home.
random ass time for a scholarship check to be comin in... but it goes straight to my checking so who cares.
yeah.... this shit's bout to be rrreal cool.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Oh Yeahhhhh
i forgot about this picture. haha i'm historian for my school's BSU (photographer, basically) so i'm never in any of our pictures when we do events.
:c
face is blurry, but the body is quite clear.
but it's okay. here i am at Mission Namibia... a fundraising event for Africans
face is blurry, but the body is quite clear.
Alrighty
so i've wanted to write some shit for a minute...
but i guess i just don't know where to start or how to say the things that run thru my mind everyday
i think i want to move to Senegal.
mmm....
i'm starting to get tired of this hopeless feeling i get when i observe my surroundings.... the actions n mindsets of people who i associate with, the lack of originality most people exude while trying to seem unique... the thoughts that people don't express because they feel they aren't important enough.... i don't know.... something about our (american?) (capitalist?) mindset... always takes the air out my gut when i really get to thinking...
maybe i should become a nomad.
live by myself on a hill or in the nook of an isolated valley or some shit... because in NO way do i feel i'm better than ANYONE else.... but my thoughts are just different. the way i act is different than anyone else i know... and maybe it's the way i was brought up, but i know the value of communal advancement as well as individual growth. and to me, you can't have one without the other....
but it seems people are choosing to NOT grow, while i'm trying my BEST to.
maybe i should just worry about myself. n say fuck everyone else.......
but where does that leave me? what will my progression mean if those around me aren't ready to move forward with me?
guess i should start searching for that isolated hill...
but what i want is for people to stop bullshitting.... to stop thinking that they can just keep up with old habits expecting to move forward... i want people to stop taking others' ideas, thinking because they reached an 'ah, HA' moment by someone else's words that they too have considered all the options that lead to those wise notions.... i want people to realize that every SINGLE day is an opportunity to make a change. not even in the WORLD, but within yourself.... don't let someone else's bullshit continue to keep you from progressing. and on the other hand, if you're adding bullshit to someone else's life.... then wtf.. stop.
that may be a valid distinction between myself and others... i understand everyone has a different prerogative... and if some people DO share the same end goal, they're still going to take different means and routes to the finish line. i guess those means and routes are what we witness everyday when we kick it with different people... i try to kick it with like-minded people... but to be honest, it's getting hard. and it's getting harder and harder to act like i'm okay being a part of certin ppls lives...........
i want people to be honest about their motives.... with themselves and with other people....
that shit is REALLY, REALLY. not that hard. in fact, once you know what you want... and what you really think about certain shit.... honest opinions kinda become your everyday script.
and on the other hand... when you think you feel a certain way about something without having thoroughly thought it through.... when it comes time to take action, what the fuck is gonna be your first move? or are u gonna wait on the leadership of others to help you out....?
don't think you're contemplative just because you think deeply about the subjects OTHER people have brought to your attention thru their observations...
ionno man... shit is sticky.
and i'm doing my best to act "normal"... but i know some people can see it's not working...
this is how i would like shit to be....
-i will be me...
-you will be you...
-we can have the same strong opinions...
-we can work toward overall progress.... not only for ourselves, but shit... for our kids, for people who don't have a voice because they aren't allowed one...
-we can be best friends
-i can be your girlfriend
-i can be your number one enemy
-your classmate
-whatever.
-we can fight
-we can love the shit out of each other
-but we both need to understand that
-i will be me
and...
-you will be you.
i will NEVER try to emulate your actions or switch my opinions up if we don't agree, cuz that's not me... it's you. duh. seems simple.... but i know a lotttttt of people who don't get it.
and til those around me DO, or take actions to show they do... i'm thinking of ways to isolate myself from their confusion/ inconsistencies...
i'm imperfect. but at least i know when my imperfections are being detrimental to someone else... and i know that MY imperfections are mine. aaand whether i want them to or not, they shape some of my decisions and actions too. mistakes happen, everyone makes them.
but at least i can say my mistakes are complementary to my mindset at the time i made em. and they all serve to be learning and growing experiences. i suppose that relates back to individual growth which in return will serve to aid the advancement of those who i give back to.... which is communal advancment....
i digress.
my point is... shit around me seems to be all fucked up. people, their actions, their thoughts, their goals, shit... or maybe it's just me. i just want people to embrace their good and dispose of their bad as best they can...
but i guess i just don't know where to start or how to say the things that run thru my mind everyday
i think i want to move to Senegal.
mmm....
i'm starting to get tired of this hopeless feeling i get when i observe my surroundings.... the actions n mindsets of people who i associate with, the lack of originality most people exude while trying to seem unique... the thoughts that people don't express because they feel they aren't important enough.... i don't know.... something about our (american?) (capitalist?) mindset... always takes the air out my gut when i really get to thinking...
maybe i should become a nomad.
live by myself on a hill or in the nook of an isolated valley or some shit... because in NO way do i feel i'm better than ANYONE else.... but my thoughts are just different. the way i act is different than anyone else i know... and maybe it's the way i was brought up, but i know the value of communal advancement as well as individual growth. and to me, you can't have one without the other....
but it seems people are choosing to NOT grow, while i'm trying my BEST to.
maybe i should just worry about myself. n say fuck everyone else.......
but where does that leave me? what will my progression mean if those around me aren't ready to move forward with me?
guess i should start searching for that isolated hill...
but what i want is for people to stop bullshitting.... to stop thinking that they can just keep up with old habits expecting to move forward... i want people to stop taking others' ideas, thinking because they reached an 'ah, HA' moment by someone else's words that they too have considered all the options that lead to those wise notions.... i want people to realize that every SINGLE day is an opportunity to make a change. not even in the WORLD, but within yourself.... don't let someone else's bullshit continue to keep you from progressing. and on the other hand, if you're adding bullshit to someone else's life.... then wtf.. stop.
that may be a valid distinction between myself and others... i understand everyone has a different prerogative... and if some people DO share the same end goal, they're still going to take different means and routes to the finish line. i guess those means and routes are what we witness everyday when we kick it with different people... i try to kick it with like-minded people... but to be honest, it's getting hard. and it's getting harder and harder to act like i'm okay being a part of certin ppls lives...........
i want people to be honest about their motives.... with themselves and with other people....
that shit is REALLY, REALLY. not that hard. in fact, once you know what you want... and what you really think about certain shit.... honest opinions kinda become your everyday script.
and on the other hand... when you think you feel a certain way about something without having thoroughly thought it through.... when it comes time to take action, what the fuck is gonna be your first move? or are u gonna wait on the leadership of others to help you out....?
don't think you're contemplative just because you think deeply about the subjects OTHER people have brought to your attention thru their observations...
ionno man... shit is sticky.
and i'm doing my best to act "normal"... but i know some people can see it's not working...
this is how i would like shit to be....
-i will be me...
-you will be you...
-we can have the same strong opinions...
-we can work toward overall progress.... not only for ourselves, but shit... for our kids, for people who don't have a voice because they aren't allowed one...
-we can be best friends
-i can be your girlfriend
-i can be your number one enemy
-your classmate
-whatever.
-we can fight
-we can love the shit out of each other
-but we both need to understand that
-i will be me
and...
-you will be you.
i will NEVER try to emulate your actions or switch my opinions up if we don't agree, cuz that's not me... it's you. duh. seems simple.... but i know a lotttttt of people who don't get it.
and til those around me DO, or take actions to show they do... i'm thinking of ways to isolate myself from their confusion/ inconsistencies...
i'm imperfect. but at least i know when my imperfections are being detrimental to someone else... and i know that MY imperfections are mine. aaand whether i want them to or not, they shape some of my decisions and actions too. mistakes happen, everyone makes them.
but at least i can say my mistakes are complementary to my mindset at the time i made em. and they all serve to be learning and growing experiences. i suppose that relates back to individual growth which in return will serve to aid the advancement of those who i give back to.... which is communal advancment....
i digress.
my point is... shit around me seems to be all fucked up. people, their actions, their thoughts, their goals, shit... or maybe it's just me. i just want people to embrace their good and dispose of their bad as best they can...
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