Jussst A Rant...

i woke up at like 7 something && couldn't go back to sleep cuz for some reason i had butterflies in my stomach. it's just becoming a reality that tomorrow is my last day here for a while... i won't have a chance to see some of my closest friends drive off to college && when i come back, my main kiggit buddies will be gone :(

even though i'll only be gone a month this time, i'm used to always having someone familiar with me for lengthy trips. i'm not worried about life in San Diego cuz i know i'll adjust super quickly, but i'm just worried about life in LA... && what it'll be like when i come back... not necessarily only regarding this trip, but also other times when i'll be gone months at a time... (january- june) 

oh well... at least i'm gettin a new kick && mac outta this :-]

Today. Tomorrow. Friday. San Diego

"my God... i never been in love so hard..."

simple, but appropriate 

Hey There, Beeeitch :-]

it's so much easier to talk through problems when you really care about the person you are having issues with... well at least for me. I've noticed that when issues are kept in && not voiced, there will be no way to solve it && no facts will ever get clarified... you may deal with em in a certain way, but in most cases, the problem will just eat away at you && cause you to do some random, dumb shit...

this past month i found myself in many situations that i could have handled in lots of different ways. in the end, it proved that the best solution is talking things out calmly...

maybe it's just that when i let someone into my close social circle, it shows i really care about them. && again, maybe it's me but i am willing to calmly discuss things between those who i love, in order to resolve issues....

anyways, i'm glad we argue perfectly :-]

&& muffintops SUCK.

ionno what i have planned for today, but yesterday with derryl was fuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnny. real talk. lmao.

...

i guess i'm gonna hafta start shopping for all the stuff i'll need for this summer program... i honestly wish i was gone already because waiting for the day to come is just making me anxious. the sooner i leave, the sooner i come back... everything seems so tense && i can't have a conversation without counting down the days in the back of my head. i think i'll be straight tho. i come back september 1st && i can pick up everything where it left off..

anyways, Step Brothers... wasn't as funny as it was pumped up to be, but i still had fun with derryl... [my forehead still hurts] had some pinkberry... [i rrrrrrreeeallllly hope they have some in san diego...] && then... had summore dessert [na'm saaaayn... ;-) ah cha chahhh]

uhm. i still don't know about this whole situation that's going on... there's still another factor that i'm sure isn't going anywhere. but people get played everyday && we'll see what happens in september && on the holidays when i'm back in LA.

people love differently... && i realized it's not hard to fall in love with someone... it's actually really easy... but... i also found that falling out of love is one of the hardest things a person can try to do... it's impossible. give it a whirl...

turky left today :( booooo college. effin UCLA...

suuuuuuuuuuper old pictures of turky && i :(

Countdown Continues

went to venice beach with attanigga yesterday && it was super tight...
old angry black woman workin @ the pizza spot was super bitter. refused to give us drinks with no ice... && then only filled the cup up halfway.... silly beeeitch...

thennn we went to stephan's pool party which was also ridiculously fun. super random, but a good time indeed... I didn't realize how much I miss kiggin it with that country boy && his friends...

qu'est-ce que je vais faire au jourd'hui... who knows, I'm pretty sure imma kiggit with derryl tho. I wanna see step brothers && I've dedicated myself to be his replacement movie partner...

5 more good days && I'm out. like... velour sweatsuits.

                                                                                          

                                                                                 

(ew bad picture)  

6 Days

... left til i leave. damn.

Blahhhhhhkkkk

iont like blogging anymore.

Go.... Figure....

honesty really is the best policy? whooooooooo the hell woulda thunk it? yea that's why i only lie to parentals. lying to your friends/boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't make sense && it always comes back to you in some way. that's the way the world works.. i happen to hate liars, but it seems i fell in love with one. lol i guess that's another way the world keeps its balance...

Cornball Steez

if i could go back && stop myself from entering a battle that wasn't meant for me in the 1st place, i would. i feel dumb that i was, in a sense, blinded && maybe put too much trust into one person's word. that was definitely my fault && i wish i could take back certain things i said, to an undeserving person. i feel kinda bad about jumping to conclusions before i clarified any details. it was quite careless of me && i'm sure my arrogance regarding the situation caused many laughs to someone who knew some things that i clearly didn't. granted, mistakes happen, but some can be prevented... like this one. i have a better understanding of things now && though my feelings toward em haven't changed, my perspective has

ANYYYYWHO

so i pick up the ex from the airport tonight. background info: we were going strong for over a year && a half... last summer he went on a vacation to visit his family in the mid-west (where he grew up til he was like 17) && decided to stay out there. we broke up cuz long distance things don't really work... && cuz i was crushed. that's definitely where most, if not all of my trust issues spurred && i didn't think i'd fully recover til i met back up with derryl. even though he was in a relationship at the time, being around him provided me an escape from all the things in my life that seemed to all be blending together. i found myself doing things that were out of character for me, just because they provided random thrills. but chillen with him became a favorite pastime of mine... i've known him for almost 3 years && here were are together now for almost half a year... so anyways... heartbreak led to... heart-mend... heart-fix? ionno what it's called but, i'm diggin it at the moment.

adios cuhhhh

Change Of Plans...

imma get  me a country boyfriend, with a Jitterbug cell phone. he won't have internet access or even know what the acronym AIM stands for. he won't have any contact with his ex girlfriends or recycle the same cute lines used on me, to recite to another girl. He'll smoke occasionally, smile && make me laugh frequently && never make me second-guess his thoughts or love towards me. Most importantly, he'll be proud to claim me as his LA girl to everyone who asks... yes, everyone. 

i'll trust him completely cuz he won't lie or keep anything from me. he'll learn from his mistakes the first time they're made... && i'm sure he's gonna notice and appreciate the compromises imma make for him... He's gonna be generous, well-educated, have a plan set out for his future && have no other dream but to have me be the one to share it all with him... yeeaup, imma find me one of those one day... && when i do it'll be the happiest day of my life

i've been through a lot of shit the past few days && i'm leaving here in 12. Fantasy life is the only life that's looking good at the moment. no one's really to blame for this, but would you really lock yourself in your room && never talk to me again if i told you you were the cause of this rant...? 

guess i'll just wait && see, love

Sheesh

spent yet another day with the boyfriend. departure day is soooon but we're both cool with it... we went to go see Dark Knight last night... strange ass experience that was.

iont feel like goin into it... but i'm

Vicodine K

Penicillin  K

Moltrin K

&& currently 

Doja K. (i know, right...)

but uhmm chea yesterday was like a realization that (*edj*) && (*the hoodie squad*) is ridiculously tight... aaaaand i'm slightly still out of it. been listenin to Shawn Chrystopher repeatedly... listen to his music... its not quite mainstream, && not exactly underground... either way he's super fresh && i'm feelin him... 

"she's the ollie to my skateboard--

the pad to my pen..

they've told me to calm down 

&& i may need to date more... 

but who the hell is them?"

-Shawn Chrystopher

Knitting Factory

it wasn't as fun as i thought it'd be, but it was cool nonetheless. i was a Fly Guy groupie for a few hours... tirsit... only a few minutes (damn theives)

uhm. i'm currently sick *grimace* and i'm movin back into the madre's house for a little bit. uhmmm that's it.

*whistle*

not doin sheeeeeeeeeit today.
i was sposed to go to Undefeated to get some new kicks but *sigh* i just wasn't feeling it.

fellow cheatnj buddy nicole leaves really soon, && even though we havent talked lately, it still makes me sad that we're all going to be seperated within 2 months... out of our element, doing new things on our own. i'm aware it had to happen one day, but it's just so soon. i'm stuck wondering if relationships and friendships will be able to withstand the distance put between them... if new people will come into our loved ones' lives && completely alter what was left behind... grown folks say "college years are the best years of your life" so i'm just gonna wait && see... i got into the summer program so i'll be gone basically all august... i figure that'll be a preview of what my first quarter in school will be like tho, so i hafta go open-minded. i already know a few people that are gonna be up there, so i'm not jumping into something completely new, but still new enough to take some time to get used to.

i already know that i'm going to miss derryl the most... so i choose to avoid thinking about that part.

Neverrrrr Again...

oh my. i'm neeeeeever doing what i did last night, again.
i chilled with ryan.... && nearly died.
my goodness.. my stomach still hasn't completely healed.
who knoooows wtf i was thinking. but lesson learned.

no clue what imma do today... but then again... i never know what the day's plan is til i'm in the middle of doin something random.
the 16th thru 18th is basically booked already && i'm super excited :-]

so now i wait.

Summer Parties

... are hot.
last night i went to a house party. well... mansion party. it was super sick
finally was with a buuunch of black ppl at a function &&
1. no fights broke out
2. there was no banging
3. no one got shot or shot at

&&

4. there were like, limited doodoos

&& it was still fun. hode, turky, attanigga && i are abt to be the official party crew.
(sorry abt ur hair getting sweat out, girl...)

anywaaaaays um imma kiggit with the boyfriend today (always fun)
&& i'm suuuper looking forward to the 16th :-D
i wanna go shopping again.

oh yeeeeea. me && attanigga went shopping yesterday.. && this guy @ the nike store randomly gave me his employee discount. cuz. i'm elize... && i'm thee sheeeit

out beeeeeeitches

Emanon...

i was comin home from the boyfriend's house && noticed the city lights were super visible in my sideview mirror... decided to shoot it. nothin really to update at the moment... it was me && the boyfriend's anniversary the 8th... kinda failed to mention that. i'm thinkin i gotta stop chillin... well @ least slow down... i've been doin a lil extra... && that's not cool. ohhh i got placed on the wait list for the summer program soooo i'll proly still be in LA all august... kinda bittersweet... i really wanted to go but at the same time, i didn't want a chunk of my summer to be taken away from me... but knowing that i don't really have the option to choose leaves me kinda stuck. til i find out my status, i'll just keep doin what i've been doin so far; sleepin late && kiggin it with all the people who are guaranteed entertainment... (happy birthday mom...)

Indeed They Thizzed

..... dance....
7 thumbs DOWN.
lol we park @ a 711 && see two 14 year old white boys getting arrested by some undercover police officers for sittin on a curb drinking 40 ounces... they were also... high as hell. that shoulda set the mood for us, but i was still determined to have a good time.
silly me :-[
we enter && are immediately hit by like 80 degree, thick, humid body heat
so i'm thinkin, it's strrraight, it's just like a party, i'll be good.
i go on the dance floor && like 5 sets of asians have these little laser beams && are doing some weird light dance and are compleeeetely mesmorized && zoning out... i was soo weirded out. those events && a few others persuaded me to leave about 5 minutes after paying $10 to get in.
too high. i never thought i'd actually see that type of stuff. too black for techno i suppose...

i tried.

then we get back to the car at the 711 and the owner's like 'you guys are lucky you came back. your car was next to get towed.'

good shit, riiight?

[-_-] Thizz That Sheeeeit [-_-]

(Derryl's SUPER delicious food... thanks to me)

so far
i'm having the best summer ever
:-]
i spent pretty much all yesterday with the boyfriend. (he's amazing)
&& tonight! i'm fiiiinally going to Dance with all the buddies. i wasn't playin abt staying in hollywood this summer. psh. all we gotta do is flash one of the valet parkers && we'll have a spot every night.... i say we try that in a few hours....
anywaaaaays. this is gonna be crrrazy, i'm already knowing... lets thizzzzz, everyone!
:-D

Ah Cha Chahhhh

Mulatto && Uni show was thee shit. hollywood is gonna be my domain for the next few weeks since imma be so far from it in a few months :-[

i guess since it's summertime, i'll have a little more time to *blog*
ha, i hate that word... && for a minute i hated bloggers... but im ok again, i swear...
so uhm. i went to church with the older brother...
&& everything's goin regularly til this old woman like, has a diabetes attack, interrupts the sermon, && starts wailing && eventually... collapses. kinda random... so i thought i'd share... she was straight tho :-]

now that the randomness is done, today was a-ok. still countin down the days i leave so im tryna get as much time in with the boyfriend as possible. i'm chillen at the pahhhdray's house so that's gonna be easier i suppose. It's like, when i don't see him i crave him terribly. but then whenever we have to say goodbye, i miss him before i even turn away. lose-lose orrr a win-win...? not really sure, but i guess it depends on the perspective && mood. ANYWHO. ranting is never appreciated on blogs (i know) so.... til manana compadres && random blog readers...!

Friggin Indecisive, Conflicting Emotions...

false alarrrrrrrm. SO we're back. aaand i'm happy. it was stupid to almost let some boring ass loser bitch get in the way of my happiness... lol i overreacted a tad bit, but it seemed to be the right decision to make at that time. So. i'm good now aaaand chea.

anyways ha.

yesterday was crazzzzy.

janet's birthday.

'an entiiiire dub?!'

crazy ass **slumber party** (ha) (ha)

imma continue to have stooopid missions this month (i leave in like 3 weeks) :'(

adios, cuh.

Done... Hm.

so it's done... the boyfriend and i have broken up. shit happens. i hate trusting people sometimes, cuz it seldom turns out well. Guess it had to happen eventually. it's better than being out in san diego and having to worry about his whereabouts 24/7. So.... sadly, it's through... but im gonna try to salvage my summer.