e.

sooo i'm faded..

and i have these tight ass Bose headphones... these...:

(to make the story more engaging)

and Kanye West's Coldest Winter comes on....

talkin about 'memories made in the coldest winter'... all dramatic and shit.... making me feel the mess outta this song. like damn, i see you Kanye (like he was my nigga or somethin)

anyways, thanks to my headphones and kanye, it made my mind drift off... n i was like whyyyyy do i feel this song so hard....?

because i had a cold ass winter last year, duhh... aaand not just in the literal sense.... double duhhhh. plus kanye pretty much took the words outta my mouth as far as how i was feelin back then...

but that was back then.

however... i still think about it.

i wish i could erase some memories.

i'm like: why can't i control what i wanna remember....?

if it's my mind, my brain... why can't i manually forget shit that i wanna forget?

my friends know i have a TERRIBLE memory. the on-going joke is that it's cuz of my "recreational smoking" lol and i agree with that shit too, but it bothers me.

because i can't remember the smallest shit... or something that happened 3 seconds prior to someone askin me....

the thing is, i seem to have a PERFECT memory when it comes to how fast my mind can flash back to unhappier moments...

it sucks sometimes too, cuz i'll be straight, doin normal shit and something will make me flash back, and it's like i'm able to feel exactly how i was feeling at that exact moment in my memory. it sucks when i flash back to reality. feeling nauseously sad, wanting to be somewhere else....

damn memories.

anyways....

this wasn't meant as an 'ohhh i'm sad' kinda post lol even tho it seems to be the trend here at LifeofElize

ionno... i posted this cuz i wanted to share... as is the reason behind all the other posts on this little blog thing i got going... damn, i was a senior in HS when i started this... 2 years ago

before i close this post tho, lemme clarify....:

jus because i wanna erase certain memories doesn't mean i would go back and change shit if i could.

because i believe i am where i am supposed to be... and i believe that shit happens because it should.

it would just be nice to rid myself of some memories, that's all.