why do i even have this blog anymore ugh...

what'd i get on here to say....

i'm alive.
i'm 19.
i'm blessed.

i'm tryna focus on overall progression.
fuck digression.

i'm gettin grown.

sometimes i still wanna be a nomad tho.

i'm starting to wonder if everyone around me is changing or if it's me... but it has to be one of those...

i think i'm trying to find the key to happiness at this point tho...

but i'm still stuck lookin at the lock. heavy duty ass lock too...

but it's not all bad.. not half bad either....

cuz i got someone that reminds me how good shit is and can still get. i'm positive i never wanna lose that

i tried to write something, but i couldn't.

uhh... i would write something and look at it and disagree with it immediately after...

i definitely blame this Humanities class i'm taking... now i see ambiguity in EVERYTHING.

i see two sides to everything, and i feel like i can't pick a side when it comes to certain shit unless i've thoroughly thought about each argument.

it's like i'm developing a new way of thinking

it's like my mind is teething.

but i'm not necessarily mad about it. cuz i'm still me, i just have more thoughts. but naturally, deep thinking sparks emotions/feelings.

this week hasn't been the greatest.

but i'm cool.

JAY-Z WON'T PEER PRESSURE ME!

hahaha extra ass subject line....

anyways... i feel like his song 'Off That' just proves his point... he'll say some shit n all his smart ass fans/followers are gonna back him up... but simultaneously portray the people he's really talkin shit about in his songs...

...if you were still 'on' that before you heard Off That then you fall into that category.

iffff for some reason you don't fuck with every single thing he's 'off' without having tried that shit... (ie Crystal....)-- or maybe your favorite song happened to be a T-Pain song.... well shit now you can't tell your friends, and you gotta get a new car cd.... hahah mmm you fall into that category as well....

he's like shit, if yall are gonna follow me at least keep up-- we off that.....

allll this to say... i really like this song... it's sooo lame in relation to other music that's out right now... (it's auto-tune... and Jay-Z said we off that...) but fuck that... lol it makes me laugh... it's tight

she so fine

can you tell me why
why she's so fine
i want her to be my number one girrrl
i can see it in her eyes
(and im not too surprised--)
she wants me to spend more money on herrr

damn she makes me say:

"mmhm, mmhm"
(man she's so fine;)
all i wanna do is love her...
"mmhm, mhmm"
(man she's so fine--)
she got me to my last dollar

My Favorite Dude...

i love the fact that when we disagree, he listens to me, and i listen to him... and we talk until we both understand each others' point of view.

nothing's forced...

and it's not that we're able to continue being so close because we forget about our disagreements... but it's because we move forward... and are able to focus on making shit better...

and it seems like it gets better every time we talk.

even after 4 years.

So This May Seem Oxymoronic....

i dislike the whole education system, but i LOVE learning.... and i love obtaining new information....

the whole school system is soooo crazy to me.
in the US, we're FORCED to go to school...
we all learn the same shit state-wide... (California Learning Standards)... we learn a lot of shit... math, science, english, SELECT PORTIONS of history, and a little bit of art....

it's not really until we reach college that we're motivated as students to THINK for ourselves... n not only think about ourselves, but think about ourselves in relation to other people...

the longer i'm a student, the deeper my dislike for the whole education system grows...

why do i have to pay $20,000 to learn about how fucked up things really are for us... us.... being black people (not only students) in the US.....

schools started off as a corporation a looooong ass time ago... a business... where professionals would sell their knowledge to students in the fields of medicine, law, and priesthood.... with hopes of becoming, obviously, doctors, lawyers, and clergymen.

clearly, the subjects have expanded, but the principle is the same... i'm paying someone to share their knowledge with me.

why am i forced to go to school from 8-3 as a child, yet my high school diploma doesnt mean shit...?

why do i have to have a degree to get a DECENT job...

why the fuck is school so EXPENSIVE?

why is the value of a Bachelor's Degree decreasing as more and more minorities are finding various means of entering and staying on college campuses as students....?

ur tellin me i gotta get a ph.D or Masters (aka spend another 4-5 years, and another $80,000-90,000) just to reach point A in my career???

shit, a Bachelor's degree was cooool when it was only white people who had em. why when my brothers n sisters get one, it's suddenly lost its value...?

what's crazy is... it's not hard to learn why shit is the way it is.... the information is out there, and to me, that's what's fucked up about it.... because the people who have the power aren't doing shit about it...

in order to keep this shit from getting too lengthy... here goes a little BROAD, general list of reasons that may help guide ppls' minds in the right direction.

-mmmm when slavery ended.... white people still hated us. surprise surprise.
-world war II came and the US realized we didn't have enough soldiers... who'd they call on? Black citizens.... us.... probably your great, great uncle Ron and his homie Tyree...
-when the war ended.... Suburbs were built and set aside to compensate soldiers for their brave, honorable fighting... they had flyyyy ass houses built... pretty much like i already said, suburbs.
-guess which soldiers weren't invited to live in the suburbs...?
-black soldiers... surprise surprise. even tho they fought side by side... right next to their white 'peers' in the war...
-mmm eventually, one by one by one... black families were allowed to live in the suburbs...
-white people left. waaaaay faster than one by one... their fast ass moving rate actually has a name is history books... haha it's called 'White Flight'...
-welllll, when they left, they took their resources with them. (schools are funded by cumulative property taxes in the neighborhood they're in.)
-when whites left the suburbs, the property values of the neighborhoods went down too... meaning all who were left were Blacks who at the time couldn't get high-paying jobs based SOLELY on their race... and on top of that, their schools were left with shitty ass resources and no money, meaning subpar teachers, and subpar learning rates....

i can think of SEVERAL fucked up schools today that have primarily black and hispanic students and low CA test scores..... i'm sure everyone can.

-moving on...
-these students stay in these subpar learning and living conditions and realize they (and their parents) don't have the knowledge, resources, or money to make it to college....

UHMMM... who's fault is that??
hahah as typical and predictable as this may sound....
sounds to me like it's the white man's.

anyways... i figured i'd vent about this shit real quick... i know i didn't do a thorough job at allll explaining some of this shit, but i got some reading to do... and going in depth about this shit woulda taken several days.... i just hope this shit meant something to someone.... n if it wasn't clear... i'd loooove to talk to anyone about this and other similar topics... i love to learn and i'm willing to share my knowledge.... u gotta pay me $20,000 tho. (jus joshin)

ionnnnnooooo

somethin about wasting time on bullshit doesn't seem to entice me

unless it's procrastinating bullshit... lol that's my exception

She's Already In Love....

should i tell these other guys that they're wasting their time with me?

: /

i feel like that's the polite thing to do... but i know i won't do that...

sometimes i want to tho...

like noooo please don't invest your emotions in me, you're just gonna end up stuck..............

'why does it seem like every time i open my heart,
she's already in love
wishin one day i'll be that lucky man....
bein with you is all i'm thinkin of
now im not sayin u should leave your man...
tell me to go, and girl i'll understand
lemme know, am i wasting my time?
cuz if so then i'll leave...
i'll leave.......'
-Passion

OH, hey LA

so yeah i'm goin home this weekend...
i had to escaaaaape.
rollin with Julieanne and my other homie Chevy (who i just found out lives down the hill from me.)

wtf do i wanna do this weekend? shit, too much. i keep forgetting its Halloween Weekend... im kinda sad i dont have a costume this year... :( i remember i was soooo juiced this time last year to be hittin up that Sigma party... haha at least i saw my elementary school LOVE there... so, despite the overall wackness of the party.... it was cool lol

but this year... mm ionno... i kinda wanna get hella faded n spoon under some blankets watchin scary movies in my treehouse...

ionno if that shit will happen under these circumstances that i'm rollin to LA in.... but if it does, that'd be nice.

my mom's gonna be outta town. my sister's gonna be having a mini get-together, imma be playing host to my homie(s).... let's see how this shit goes :)

OH YEAH.... haha i got a $1,000 check waitin on me when i get home.
random ass time for a scholarship check to be comin in... but it goes straight to my checking so who cares.
yeah.... this shit's bout to be rrreal cool.

Oh Yeahhhhh

i forgot about this picture. haha i'm historian for my school's BSU (photographer, basically) so i'm never in any of our pictures when we do events.

:c

but it's okay. here i am at Mission Namibia... a fundraising event for Africans

face is blurry, but the body is quite clear.

Alrighty

so i've wanted to write some shit for a minute...

but i guess i just don't know where to start or how to say the things that run thru my mind everyday

i think i want to move to Senegal.
mmm....

i'm starting to get tired of this hopeless feeling i get when i observe my surroundings.... the actions n mindsets of people who i associate with, the lack of originality most people exude while trying to seem unique... the thoughts that people don't express because they feel they aren't important enough.... i don't know.... something about our (american?) (capitalist?) mindset... always takes the air out my gut when i really get to thinking...

maybe i should become a nomad.
live by myself on a hill or in the nook of an isolated valley or some shit... because in NO way do i feel i'm better than ANYONE else.... but my thoughts are just different. the way i act is different than anyone else i know... and maybe it's the way i was brought up, but i know the value of communal advancement as well as individual growth. and to me, you can't have one without the other....

but it seems people are choosing to NOT grow, while i'm trying my BEST to.

maybe i should just worry about myself. n say fuck everyone else.......
but where does that leave me? what will my progression mean if those around me aren't ready to move forward with me?

guess i should start searching for that isolated hill...

but what i want is for people to stop bullshitting.... to stop thinking that they can just keep up with old habits expecting to move forward... i want people to stop taking others' ideas, thinking because they reached an 'ah, HA' moment by someone else's words that they too have considered all the options that lead to those wise notions.... i want people to realize that every SINGLE day is an opportunity to make a change. not even in the WORLD, but within yourself.... don't let someone else's bullshit continue to keep you from progressing. and on the other hand, if you're adding bullshit to someone else's life.... then wtf.. stop.

that may be a valid distinction between myself and others... i understand everyone has a different prerogative... and if some people DO share the same end goal, they're still going to take different means and routes to the finish line. i guess those means and routes are what we witness everyday when we kick it with different people... i try to kick it with like-minded people... but to be honest, it's getting hard. and it's getting harder and harder to act like i'm okay being a part of certin ppls lives...........

i want people to be honest about their motives.... with themselves and with other people....

that shit is REALLY, REALLY. not that hard. in fact, once you know what you want... and what you really think about certain shit.... honest opinions kinda become your everyday script.

and on the other hand... when you think you feel a certain way about something without having thoroughly thought it through.... when it comes time to take action, what the fuck is gonna be your first move? or are u gonna wait on the leadership of others to help you out....?

don't think you're contemplative just because you think deeply about the subjects OTHER people have brought to your attention thru their observations...

ionno man... shit is sticky.

and i'm doing my best to act "normal"... but i know some people can see it's not working...

this is how i would like shit to be....

-i will be me...
-you will be you...
-we can have the same strong opinions...
-we can work toward overall progress.... not only for ourselves, but shit... for our kids, for people who don't have a voice because they aren't allowed one...
-we can be best friends
-i can be your girlfriend
-i can be your number one enemy
-your classmate
-whatever.
-we can fight
-we can love the shit out of each other
-but we both need to understand that
-i will be me
and...
-you will be you.

i will NEVER try to emulate your actions or switch my opinions up if we don't agree, cuz that's not me... it's you. duh. seems simple.... but i know a lotttttt of people who don't get it.

and til those around me DO, or take actions to show they do... i'm thinking of ways to isolate myself from their confusion/ inconsistencies...

i'm imperfect. but at least i know when my imperfections are being detrimental to someone else... and i know that MY imperfections are mine. aaand whether i want them to or not, they shape some of my decisions and actions too. mistakes happen, everyone makes them.

but at least i can say my mistakes are complementary to my mindset at the time i made em. and they all serve to be learning and growing experiences. i suppose that relates back to individual growth which in return will serve to aid the advancement of those who i give back to.... which is communal advancment....

i digress.

my point is... shit around me seems to be all fucked up. people, their actions, their thoughts, their goals, shit... or maybe it's just me. i just want people to embrace their good and dispose of their bad as best they can...

"listen baby i'm reminiscing...
staring at my phone as you call, i had to miss it.
and now i'm in my hotel room jus gettin twisted...
wonderin between you and him, what's the difference?"

damnn that's a tough ass situation.

mmmmmmmm

i don't like generalizations or unsupported arguments.

that's it i suppose...

no real point there... but.... just know that when i talk to you, i wanna be talking to YOU, not opinions you picked up from some other source... and imma do the same : }

and we can be friends foreverrrrrrr. even if though we're different.

IMITATION IS THE HIGHEST FORM OF FLATTERY ANNOYANCE.

if there's nothing wrong with your brain... you should be able to come up with your own ideas... cuz when leaders aren't around...... who the fuck ARE you?

This One's About Me...

What Is It About Men - Amy Winehouse

Understand once he was a family man
so surely I would never, ever go through it first hand
Emulate all the shit my mother hated
I can't help but demonstrate my Freudian fate
My alibi for taking your guy
history repeats itself, it fails to die
and animal aggression is my downfall
I don't care 'bout what you got I want it all

It's bricked up in my head, it's shoved under my bed
and I question myself again: what is it 'bout men?
My destructive side has grown a mile wide
and I question myself again: what is it 'bout men?

I'm nurturing, I just wanna do my thing
and I'll take the wrong man as naturally as I sing
and I'll save my tears for uncovering my fears
for behavioral patterns that stick over the years

Cuz it's bricked up in my head, it's shoved under my bed
and I question myself again: what is it 'bout men?
Now, my destructive side has grown a mile wide
and I question myself again: what is it 'bout men?

mmmmmmmm... two things you should know about me before continuing to read. i am a VERY understanding person. i usually don't care what other people say about me. i look at how well you know me, and consider your statement, compliment, insult, whatever... and that's the end. of course, if someone says something to me, i'll respond... if i'm complimented, i give an appropriate response... but with insults, lies said about me, things said with the intent to anger or upset me... mm, the way i live kinda provides me with a systematic procedure. i guess it's kinda simple. the people i care about and keep near and close to me, don't insult or disrespect me. i don't allow negative people to be in my life. if you're bringing me down, why would i bring you around more positivity? that's stupid.. if i know some negative shit is gonna come out of your presence... why have you tag along? anyways... when i'm insulted or disrespected... it's usually by people who don't know me very well. if someone doesn't know me well, and says some dumb shit about me, why would i get upset? they don't know me. maybe we've talked a couple times. but ultimately... you don't understand me. so again, why would i let your words or actions trigger any outward actions that alter the way i was originally going about my day? mmmm i don't.

this isn't to say i don't get angry. i get annoyed verrry easily, i get irritated by something or someone every other day, and enough disrespect from any source can and has made me erupt without thinking about later repercussions. little shit tho... get that outta here... lol i have bigger things on my mind.

my life is made up of the lives of the people i love and care about.

when i care about you... damnnn, i care about you. haha man, same goes if i love you. i appreciate the people in my life and i know i am soooo blessed to have them there. i believe everyone in my life was sent personally from God himself... like He blessed me with the ability to weed out confused ass people who can't even add to their OWN lives.

i think my understanding allows me to be independent. i think both qualities come from my Senegalese side. my dad is an independent, self-sufficient ass man. he got his ass out of West Africa, went to Bordeaux, France to pursue his doctorate at the University of Bordeaux, and today is an old ass man with his own practices, own employees, a pretty ass house, and a pretty ass yacht, who could probably still, at his old age... beat your father up.

lol i see a lot of myself in my dad. he's optimistic, seemingly simple, organized, self-driven, understanding, and an observer. we both love very hard... my dad had been cheating on my mom with the same woman since before i was born. my mom found out when i was in 3rd grade. it's very, very fucked up. but when i say it's fucked up, it's because there were kids involved. myself (the youngest) and my older brothers and sister. but because it's my father and because i didn't want to hate my father, i never held it against him, and never treated him differently because i never thought about his role in the whole situation. not necessarily his role, but his mindset. (until recently... but speaking on that would be a tangent on this already-informative shit.) While i chose to not think about my parent's situation until more recently, i also didn't allow my parents' dealings to have an affect on the way i act, or control the way i think about things, people, or situations. They are my parents, but they are also two people, who came from two different walks of life, whose decisions now happen to affect the lives of 5 kids. love is sooo strong.

it's so unexplainable... but like i can't explain the love i have for my parents, i can't explain the love i have for one of my best friends, who i had the pleasure of falling in love with about 2 years ago. it's just amazing to me how close we are today. we have gone through it... after things got too complicated, i tried to just write him off as someone who i don't need in my life... but his absence was sooo apparent everyday. we stayed cool off each other for a minute... and in that time we both did different things, met new people, went back to our old habits... but the bond we have always brings us back together... unable to be mad or bitter at things that have transpired in each others' absence. lol i think i met someone who's just as understanding as i am.

most of the time, i have many things on my mind. i don't waste my time thinking about why things don't fit into a certain cookie cutter shape or image.. i appreciate what i have too much to worry about dumb shit like that. when you realize that you get along best with people who act like you... when you look at your friends, you should be able to see a bit of yourself in each one of them... in my opinion, if you don't like your friends, and u still keep them around, you don't know who you are yet.

30 Minutes Later...

i love someone who loves me back.

Post-Shower Pictures...

you show me a person who doesn't enjoy taking pictures and i'll show you an ugly individual...

Orrrrr.... Should I Speak For Myself

haha i think love keeps us from gettin all crazy and insane thinkin about bigger shit... lol its like, everyone's weakness, you CAN'T escape it unless ur crazy... everyone thought einstein n all those other guys were crazy cuz they spent all their time in their work. i was thinkin like.. the science field doesn't have too many groupies.. and if you're a mad scientist...? yeh, nah.

not even that but back then if u thought about anything other than what your school (religion) taught you, then you were sent into the cornfelds basically.... hahaha that shit made me laugh..

but that shit just reminds me of the same stuff we do today... we staaaay distracted. before i left to senegal i couldnt remember the last time i just sat outside chillin on a nice ass day... no extra shit, not a planned day at the beach... just like, postin at home or at a homie's house, outside, choppin it up. we're so filled of 'no homo's and 'pause's and 'omg i cant believe you just said that right now's.. that it really does affect the way we think about certain things and the way we kick it with the ppl we say we are the closest to-- and strangers too

haha everyone should just settle down and relaaax

Haha

i can't really say i 'dumped' this guy cuz we weren't dating at all...

but u know how you know someone... n they stay tryna remind you that they'd love to kick it and get to know you deeper?

he was one of those guys n i kicked it with him once. one time... 9 months ago... for about 1 hour. AND it was a 'take one for the team' type situation. lol so... i had to do it. i had to dump him. there was no reason to keep talkin to him like i was planning on being his friend for as long as we had each others' numbers.

so i had to let him go...

and he said he liked my honesty

lmao that made me chuckle.

SSSSSSSSsssssss.

i burned my lip on a blunt last night...

lol i put the wrong side to my lips...

i lke goin into new shit being as honest as the situation calls for.
it makes things so much simpler.

lying and portraying traits that aren't characteristically you is stressful, iont get it.

maybe it's cuz i have a bad memory.. that kinda kills my chances of being a consistent liar.. mm ionno

Lol Man..

my shit's been deep lately.
don't think i turned into Elize the Budduh or somethin...

so i thought i'd uhh post some random shit.

random but uh..

the best sex i ever had was in a motel parking lot.

you asked for it if you highlighted it... nasty.

same guy... i think it was 2 different times?

maybe i fantasized that second one up.

lmao u can't really be mad at me if u read this, right... u typed in my url

About Me... lol like myspace

i get annoyed, irritated, turned OFF verrrrrry quickly.

then i stay that way muuch longer than i'd like to.

but on the other hand... it's very hard to offend me...

like,

i could give a fuck if someone says something to try to upset me. BUT if they do it in an annoying way, then i get annoyed aaand there goes my reaction.

call me whatever you want... lol just don't annoy me while you're doing it.. preferably: don't involve me at all.

aaaanywho. i also said i get turned off hella easily.

lmao i kicked it with this dude i was supposed to be feelin a few nights ago (we went to dinner) and this fool had on jean shorts.... the long kind that are kinda like closer to the ankle than the knee...

which not only turned me off, but it annoyed and irritated me at the same time. lmaoo i guess being turned off leads to the other 2 immediately. jean shorts... smh... and a Rocawear shirt... and he asked what was wrong with me by the end of the night... it was definitely him and his lack of fashion sense.
i pray he does not have my blog's url or this shit could be reeeeal awkward in the future.

this entry really isn't about him tho... or me being annoyed or irritated (cuz besides that dinner 'date' i've been chillen)

but in general... or maybe just in LA, i've found that there's only a couple people i can stand kickin it with all day without feeling bored, under-stimulated, irked or overall uninterested... so it had nothin to do with his jean shorts or my boojie-ness, but i just feel like i needed to go thru that mediocre ass night to solidify that that im not trippen, and that yeah... i'm definitely in need of change, kickin it in LA for even this month has seemed like the looooongest month of my life... and i STILL have another 2 weeks to go

BUT... hold on

i love my regular buddies. my smokin friends, eating partners, movie-watchin homies.. and kinda most importantly, the friends i have that i can just kick back and talk to... no pressure, no set plans, no advanced confirmations, no extra shit. my real homies that i don't have to change myself for to kick it with... my kickin it 'everytime we feel like it' friends... i love them to death and they know that.. they're just not all accessible right now and that's laaame. proly why i'm pretty much down to get shit started in SD now cuz i'm gettin impatient.... and broke lol. i need a job.

Who I'd Like To Meet........ haha sike

Sourtoura.... Yeahh That's Wolof

It's a word in Wolof that i learned one night while i was
smokin a buuunch of african dro with my cousin... it was
like 4 or 5 am and we were faded outta our minds talkin
about a lotttt of different shit. the meaning of this one
word really left me breathless... it means basically,

'you're gonna get yours.. and I'm not trippen because God
sees all, so pray that you pay for all your misdeeds in
this lifetime, and not the next.'
     
                If you're deserving of reverence and
forgiveness then that will be the case. There's always a
plan and people forget that, or choose to ignore it because
of negativity stemming from whatever source individuals
choose to place the blame upon. You don't know how your
decisions now will affect your descendants later. or the
way YOU will pay for your actions after death. The
repercussions for our dumb actions always turn out the
same.

You do A, then B happens.

We all know and acknowledge that at one point in time, but
the way we act on it afterward is what is important to be
conscious of. Its so easy to be blinded. Things are simple,
but people just make shit so complicated. DO what the fuck
you know is right... if you know you're doing wrong shit,
then stop. duh. i almost wanna just pass out a flyer
reminding people of that shit.

                          Save yourself some stress,
"drama", heartbreak, etc.. follow your gut and actually pay
attention to signs that serve to lead you away from doin
dumb shit. Remember that the shit your friends and family
don't see are still bein seen by God. lmao allll the ppl
out there thinkin they're sneaky n shit are gonna be real
shocked in the end.. To me... i feel if your mind and
heart is in the right place, [my definition of 'the right
place' is hella thorough... but too long to type out right
now.] despite what you may be
doing, you're still in good standing. ONE instance is that
people now are so focused on getting money.
money money money money money.
when really, all that shit could mean NOTHING in a matter
of a second. then what have you worked for? Who are you,
without the chase for money instilled in you? who have you
betrayed thus far to get what you
hustled to get...? i definitely account for those who NEED
to hustle to make it. or those who have a hustle that
doesn't produce negative output... but... man...when you
put shit in perspective, some shit just doesnt seem worth
it in the end.
why pollute your life unnecessarily, and more importantly
at the expense of others?

I wonder what drives people to want to surround themselves
in dumb, unimportant shit. is it lack of information about
the state of the world? is there something that keeps them
from seeing that there are other options? do they just
believe differently than i do? I can't find the answer
out to be honest... but as i have always done and will
continue to do.. i'm going to reflect my thoughts in the
way i act, i'm not gonna be afraid to be myself no matter
what my mindset at any particular time is. no one's gonna
be Me for me. so i'm me, i have my homies, i got some herb,
i have my opinions, i have my family, and i have a tight
grasp on my beliefs... i voice em when i'm asked to. i
have an ultimate goal and i hope more people will open
their minds one day. 

Shit I've Noticed About Break-Ups...

girls always go into an immediate 'im happy as fuck' stage... n then the sadness slowwwwwly trickles in lol it's funny to observe

Written... 3 Days After I Got Back

LA seems a little lackluster to me ever since I got back.
I think I came back from such a beautiful, unforgettable
trip that I kinda expected everyone to be on the same page
as me, as opposed to doin the same shit. I have to remind
myself that I was only gone a month... 31 days... AND its
still summer vacation.
                    But my mind is so 'right' right now
that I feel that keepin up with my old routine would be a
waste of action. I wish I could hurry up and rush time and
get to doing what I'm meant to do, what I'm here to do.
But I also know the lost feeling I get when good times
rush by too quickly. Neutral times like these that kinda
have no connotation... always lead to deep thinking.
We choose what we want to think about when it comes down to
it. What keeps me a naturally open-minded person is
that I don't stop myself from thinking deeply about 
anything
positive, negative, outrageous, scary, doesn't matter. I
always just strive for honesty and truth. I feel like
nothing can move forward if its participants aren't
honest and truthful from the beginning.
From relationships, families, clubs, governments, cities,
countries.. shit
everyone. Dishonesty and close-mindedness are always at
the root of misfortune or negative occurrences in general.
Some people might and DO disagree with me, but that's
the way I look at it. I can't attribute these
characteristics to any one specific source.. and the main
reason people who disagree do is because of conflict of
religion..
or the set of morals in which they were brought up with.
I'm never afraid to listen to
anyone else's point of view on anything because listening
doesn't have the ability to sway my views.
Listening is listening, thinkng is thinking. The
two are linked, and to me, the amount of time you spend
thinking affects the way u listen. Those who are
mal-informed, un-informed or don't CARE to be informed
may.. only listen to certain stories on the news, ignore
major world events, and keep their thoughts on local shit
like work, school, their friends, their immediate families,
etc. Maybe they're afraid to listen and look at shit
on a bigger scale, or maybe they just don't want to...
It's those type of people I seemed to be steadily running
into before i left...
But I had just accepted that that
               was the reality of people everywhere.
But I went to Senegal and was sooo refreshed to find
that the mindset that I'd become so used to, was
left 17 hours away.
Things are slooowed down in Dakar; people are raised
knowing the value of remembering and respecting that
there is always a bigger picture.
I swear I fell in love with every new person I spoke to...
in a different way each time. The bullshit meaningless
conversations that are sadly considered normal over here,
completely lack substance out there. When u have to think
before u speak, it kinda shocks you into thinking about
all aspects and options possible before speaking on a
subject.
    I consider the people out there to be more
informed than people out here. This definitely isn't me
saying I'm on their side of the information...[pool...?]
At all. Or that they're better than Americans or anyone
else as a whole. I'm saying comin back to LA so
abruptly after spending a month in such an unknowingly
refreshing place threw me waaaay off. I'm not
excited to do the same shit I was just a month ago...
31 days... This shit is ridiculous... but I continue to
remain focused regardless of my views on other people,
because when it comes down to it, i know i have steps
that i need to be taking to move forward in life... and
these people out here back home could be looking at me
in the exact same way for all i know...
well anyways. i go back to SD in a month... I wonder
what I'll be saying then

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Geez

i haven't updated shit in like a month n a half... uhhhm. i went to Dakar, Senegal for a month...

and i really miss it :(

a LOT a lot.... like.... A LOT. i wanna go back as soon as i can...

anyways. new pictures. that seems to be all my blog is for now... womp.

Soooo Lately

@makensyyy (like this is twitter... lol) said it best.... i really don't know how to blog when i'm happy w/o sounding like im braggin or sounding waaaay too blog-corny...

2 things...
i got a new tattoo... and i like editing pictures.... the result....(s):

Good One Facebook

lol NEXT

sungod

Lmao I'm So Lazy...

it's always sad realizing exactly how lazy you are... i don't blog cuz i'm so lazy... then when i wanna post something i'm like nahhh i haven't posted shit in a while leme just forget about it.... anyways.. this song is so tight to me. disclaimer. i don't roll. but i love songs about rollin.... :->

Mrs Pacman - Hot Stylz

in my diddy bop

tyga got toooo fine. damn his tattoos are bomb

K Came Thru :->

mind you: these were taken at 7:20 am... i think we look quite good considering that little factor...
0r maybe i lied... whatever tho

my facial expressions are soooo harsh lol

who else forgot abt this accessory? i can't lie... i kinda did too

lmfao

i think i love damon wayans. jr

So Last Night...

i decided i no longer wanna be friends with this one guy.

lol forreal this time. cuz i'm not mad/upset/sad or anything like that...

ionno i just don't like the way this one particular person treats those who love him. (that doesn't include me, btw. that DOES include this one chubby girl tho)

i haaaaate playing games. and i'd much rather express how i truly feel and LOSE friends over it than sit back and act like i'm okay with ppl/situations when im really not... or overlook maaajor character flaws.

i've known for a while that i no longer have feelings for this dude. ionno why i was still acting like i did...

mmm. so after i broke up the weird ass friendship we had goin on lol a tweet was sent to me.

"@elized and --BLANK-- will no longer keep in contact with one another... phone numbers aims n twitts deleted, nebody care? lol me neither"

but that was sent directly to me to make sure i KNEW you didn't care.... hmm.

aaaanyways. i just saw we weren't adding anything to each others' lives. some shit had to be done soooo... i did it.

i hope you find success doing something admirable.

-laterrrr

mmmm yea this one's meaty

i feel like writing a hearty ass blog...

but i don't have anything in particular i wanna report...

except i've been real happy lately and i enjoy thinkin abt all the reasons why that is, when im chillen... just blown...

its a bomb ass feeling knowing you're ultimately in control of the energy that's around you. like why the fuck would you surround yourself with negative ppl if you're tryna be happy...? don't wait on them to turn positive, just do shit that makes you happy cuz you're always gonna find someone to relate to no matter what it is you choose to do. shit just works like that. it's liteweight tight when u think about it.

anyways...

this quarter is goin by super smoothly... no complaints at all. i've met some cool ass people who i can actually call friends... both male and female, (which i think is soo crucial in keeping your sanity... no matter who you are. that balance is defffinitely needed.)

uhm. i stopped holdin myself back just so people would have a more neutral impression of me. it takes way more work than im willing to put in. i got a complex ass personality. but i guess that's why you won't fully know me til you talk to me on a less shallow level. but then again that's everyone's story, yes...?

uhm. shawn chrystopher's mixtape "i.w.g. 2: i told you so" is the shit. i loved him the first time i saw him perform (which was also live)... been a supporter ever since. (just don't got the funds to be a supporter,supporter diggg)
"not really here" is currently playin btw. i planned on puttin a sample on here but ionno how these "artists rights" things go and i'm 1 degree away from gettin sued if i pull some illegal shit. check it for yourself tho.

i'm not talkin to anyone right now! damnnn that'd be sad if that's why i'm so happy these days lol i feel like beyonce in that 'ego' track... if imma talk to someone im definitely not even considering someone i can't have a chill ass conversation with. that's like anti-me right now.

-i noticed i have the best conversations with dudes who have high self esteem. or healthy ass self confidence levels. whatever you call that shit. they're always the ones who leave a lasting impression :}

uhmmm "pennies (remix)" by the cool kids (ft. bun b & ludacris) goes hard. i dig the original too... AHHH i just remembered they're comin to my school this friday. real shit... i did forget n just remember... [its the trees]

now i gotta decide whether to post that or ego by beyonce and kanye

sike. posted both. just click em.

-later

Lesss Doowiiitttt

so this was on repeat yesterday....

and today too to be honest.

4/20's like thanksgiving cuz the leftovers are just as good, if not better :-D

Lets Get High - Warren G (Travis Barker & Black Nicc)

I'm A Social Networking Suckerrr

why do i have a myspace (UGHHHHH when's the last time i logged into that junk???)
a facebook
a twitter account
aaaaand a blogspot?

cuz i'm a sucker for socializing no matter what the medium may be :-\

anyways. uhhhhm i got new glasses :)