imma stop goin to school && become a windsor hills bum :)
nahh but that does sound appealing. UCSD is cool as hell but it's lacking in niggers. only 1% && that's spread out among 6 colleges aaaand also spread out btwn ages 17 and 21... freshmen thru seniors which proly means there's about 50 black ppl here, 3/4 are upperclassmen who don't live on campus, and are busy tryin to undermine the stereotype that follows blacks at respectable universities... aaaand the other 1/4.... well that's like 18 && a half people... && those are my options... i'm proly the only black LA girl out here... at least the only one who accepts my blackness if there is another one lurking around here...
so i'm thinking i'll be happier in LA, my hoooood :-D i wanna get a job && go to a local school && then transfer to UCLA or Pepperdine cuz i'll already have earned 8 units && all my GE's out here... sounds like a reliable plan, but at the same time i don't wanna fall into old habits if i come home because i know i won't make it anywhere. i'm glad i came out here because it honestly opened my mind, which has been closed for the past several months... basically.... i'll have to rearrange my priorities && make sure there won't be anything distracting me during times when i need to focus... still debating, but i'll figure it out soon... i was honestly surprised as hellll to see that my mom supported my decision... pleasantly surprised... && this one guy didn't... but that doesn't really deter me or matter cuz when it comes down to it, it'll be my motivation && my will that's going to keep me focused && make me successful... eff all the others :-D
ouuuu sidenote...
i've concluded that allowing someone to be your entire everything is the absolute worst thing a person can do... because if you lose them, you lose everything... you'll have nothing to fall back on, no one to talk to, no motivation && ultimately, no life. separation is good sometimes even when things seem to be going perfectly... setting aside time to think is essential && vital to your emotion health && in preventing complete blindness. no one's blinded me or anything like that, i was just reflecting on my current situation && thinking about how much worse it could have been. but i'm honestly content now && glad that the relationships i share with people are just as valuable to them as they are to me.
i wanna chill, cuh...!
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